All in your head
by Backpfeifenguy
Summary: Beast Boy's been having rough time; no matter what he does, he ca't help but think of himself as a loser. But i the voice in his head depression, or something else? Hints of BBRAE. WARNINGS: Mental health issues, self destructive behaviour, violence, references to suicide.
1. Chapter 1

_You're a fucking joke._ Not the most pleasant thought to be woken up by, it must be said. _The whole team's ashamed of you, they only keep you on out of pity._ Nevertheless, it was the first thought in Beast Boy's head as he woke that morning, morning in this case meaning 'there's still ten minutes til noon'. _I mean, it's not like you bring much to the table._

Beast Boy blinked the sleep from his eyes, looked up at the clock, and rolled himself out of bed. _Robin's basically a ninja, so they don't need your smaller forms for stealth._ After a quick trip to the bathroom and a check to make sure he'd remembered to put a shirt on, he was just about ready to face what remained of the day. _Cyborg and Starfire have you outclassed for raw power._

As he lurched out the door and towards the kitchen, he heard the drone of conversation. _They're talking about you behind your back!_ He paused at the door, taking a moment to slip into a lazy grin, and strolled into the room.

"Wassup dudes?" He asked cheerfully, strolling into the kitchen and grabbing a box of cereal. _Really? 'Wassup dudes'? Loser._

"Not much, Grass Stain." Cyborg replied. "Rob was gonna chew you out for sleeping in so long until Star talked him out of it." _See? Robin's sick of your shit, he'll be kicking you off the team any day now._

"I guess that's one I owe her." Beast Boy chuckled, pouring himself a glass of orange juice. _Try fifty._ "Anything else?"

"Well, Raven's started reading a new book." Cyborg offered jokingly.

"Do tell!" Beast boy exclaimed, treating the information as though it were some juicy piece of gossip.

"Well…" Cyborg looked around shiftily for a moment before leaning in towards Beast Boy. "I'm pretty sure it's a modern fantasy novel!" He hissed conspiratorially.

"How bold!" The changeling snickered, doing his best to look scandalised. "And the name?"

" _Good Omens_." Cyborg replied simply.

" _Good Omens_ …" Beast Boy murmured disbelievingly. "By Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett?" _Not a chance! There's no way that Raven's reading something you've actually read. She's smart, you're dumb; had you forgotten?_

"I think so," Cyborg confirmed. "Why?" _A coincidence, nothing more._

"I've actually read that one." Beast Boy muttered, grinning hugely. "Raven's reading a book that I read first!" _Doesn't matter. Still an idiot._ "For once, I can start a conversation about something she's interested in, and I'll know _more about it than her_!" He rubbed his hands together deviously. "This is gonna be great!"

"Yeah, well a word of advice, B." Cyborg wrinkled his nose. "Brush your teeth first, you got some nasty morning breath!" _You disgusting animal._

As he brushed his teeth, Beast Boy found himself studying his own reflection. It was unlikely that any of his friends would find this behaviour surprising, considering the fact that he had something of a reputation for vanity. What they _would_ have found surprising was the way his brow furrowed and the corners of his mouth turned down. _Jesus, what a mess!_ _The fangs, the skin… the ears! You really got hit with the ugly stick, huh?_ He put his toothbrush away, idly noting that it had been torn up by his fangs, and left the bathroom. _What, running from the mirror? Can't say I blame you._

"Hey there Rae." He said cheerfully, approaching the couch.

"Hey Beast Boy." Raven replied without looking up from her book.

"Good book?" He asked, grinning _like an idiot_.

"Exceptionally so." Raven replied, her eyes never leaving the page.

"So who do you like better," Beast Boy began. "Azriphale or Croweley?" He positively _revelled_ in the look on Raven's face as she turned to face him.

"...Croweley." Raven answered after a moment.

"Yeah, I can see that." Beast Boy nodded. "A demon who goes against his supposed place in the cosmic order and saves the world? Makes sense you'd like him."

"So you've read it." Raven stated bluntly.

"Three times." He replied. "Six if you count audiobooks."

"So who do _you_ like better?" Raven asked.

"Well, I-" The alarm sounded. "Will have to pick this conversation up later." He finished, running to the elevator and cursing his bad luck. _It's what you deserve._

It was Control Freak. Of all the villains it could have been, it was Control Freak. Attacking a comic book store, because of course he was. "Sell _my_ preordered comics while I'm in prison, will you?" He ranted, firing his remote at basically every figurine, poster and cardboard cutout in the store. "I'll show you, I'll show you all!"

"Your payment was declined!" The helpless cashier wailed. "Your accounts were frozen when they locked you up!"

"Great," Raven deadpanned. "An angry, entitled nerd. Just what I wanted to deal with today."

"I wonder what he preordered." Beast Boy mused. _Probably all the same stuff you read, since you're both totally pathetic._

"Well, if it isn't the Teen Titans." Control Freak sneered, "Come to stop me have you?"

"Give it up, Control Freak!" Robin exclaimed. "If you surrender now, nobody gets hurt."

"Why would I surrender?" Control Freak giggled. "After all, I'm in my element here!" And with that, A wave of comic, movie, anime and game characters surged forward to attack. Robin found himself caught up in a brawl with Spike Speigel while Starfire engaged in an aerial battle with Iron Man. Cyborg and Raven were back to back fighting Link (as in, every single version of Link), and Beast Boy found himself face-to-face with a man wearing a dark coat and a tricorn hat, wielding a bizarre oversized saw.

"Are you kidding?" Beast Boy chuckled, ducking and weaving around his assailant's attacks. "You sent Johnny Bloodborne after me?" With that, he struck the nameless character from the box art of Bloodborne in the stomach before leaping back. "Dude, I platinumed this game ages ago!" _Are you seriously bragging about that? Lame._ He transformed into a wolf, ducking under a heavy attack and exploiting the opening it created to devastating effect. A few repetitions of this pattern of dodge and strike left his opponent on the verge of defeat; he just needed to get one more shot in and- _Take the hit._

Raven was in a bad mood; she'd had a pleasant conversation interrupted, discovered that _Control Freak_ was to blame, and was currently being attacked by a swarm of blonde elves, all of whom insisted on grunting ans screaming loudly and incoherently as they fought. "How many of these are there?" She asked Cyborg as she sliced one in half with a blade of telekinetic force.

"Legend of Zelda is a long-lived and influential franchise!" Cyborg replied, blasting an especially small and cartoony-looking one.

"Meaning?" Raven demanded.

"Meaning there's a lot of 'em!" Cyborg exclaimed.

"Great." Raven scowled, throwing up a barrier just in time to deflect a sword aimed at her stomach. "Well, it shouldn't be much longer until one of the others can back us up, so let's just-" She fell silent, her empathic sense warning her that something was very wrong. "Beast Boy's aura feels weird, what's happening?"

"Oh crap!" Control Freak squealed, his voice nearly an octave higher than usual, as he pointed in apparent horror at Beast Boy. Beast Boy lying in a pool of his own blood. With a giant saw stuck in his shoulder.

"What did you _**do**_ to him?!" Raven demanded, a wave of shadows tearing through their foes and throwing Control Freak against the wall.

"He was supposed to dodge it!" Control Freak shrieked, his aura radiating blind panic and… sadness? "He dodges it, then he beats it! Then you guys beat me, I go to jail, and nobody gets hurt!" His eyes began to tear up. "He wasn't supposed to get hurt!" The fat, scruffy nerd blubbered inelegantly. "It's no fun like this!"

"Fun?" Raven demanded. "You think this is a game?! Beast Boy is _dead_!" She screeched.

"Not yet he ain't!" Cyborg called out. "So how 'bout you get your butt over here and heal him?"

"What's the damage?" She asked, at Beast Boy's side in an instant.

"Punctured lung, blood loss, broken collarbone and ribs, torn muscles." Cyborg answered with clinical precision. "Think you can handle it?"

"Easily." Raven replied, more confidently than she actually felt. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" She intoned, setting about mending the damage done to Beast Boy's ruined frame.

"Is there, uh, anything I can do to help?" Control Freak asked, his voice little more than a squeak.

" _You_ want to help?" Robin scoffed. "Haven't you done enough?"

"Can you make some kind of healer?" Cyborg asked pragmatically, more interested in saving his best friend's life than in recrimination.

"Just give me a minute, okay?" And with that, Control Freak dashed off into some other corner of the store.

A moment later, a middle-aged man dressed like Doctor Frankenstein rushed over, carrying a device that looked for all the world like a cannon.

"Is zis mein patient?" He demanded, his voice carrying a thick German accent.

"Great," Raven sighed. "A mad scientist. And with that accent, and how unsubtle game designers are, he's probably a Nazi."

"I am no such thing!" He replied sternly.

"There's actually evidence to suggest that the Medic is Jewish." Control Freak interjected.

"Okay, fine, but how is he useful here?" Raven demanded.

"Step aside und I will demonstrate, frauline." The Medic replied curtly leveling his weapon (?) at Beast Boy and firing a strange red beam. Raven lunged forward at the sight of this, only to be held back by Cyborg.

"It's not a weapon." Cyborg reassured her. "Technically it's the opposite." And indeed, Beast Boy's wounds began to heal, although far too slowly for Raven's liking.

"My remote can't replicate his abilities perfectly." Control Freak offered in response to Raven's glare. "It produces a weaker version of any power that isn't purely physical."

"It'll do." Raven replied blankly, returning to the business of mending Beast Boy's injuries and, if she was being honest to herself, trying not to freak out. It was bad; the combination of a punctured lung and massive blood loss were a recipe for hypoxia, and honestly his lung wasn't so much punctured as it was carved. The shattered collarbone and shredded muscles only served to complicate things, and it occurred to Raven, not for the first time, that out of all of them, Beast Boy seemed to be the one who ended up getting hurt the most, which struck her as vaguely unfair.

 _I mean, it's not like his life before the Titans was sunshine and rainbows; can't the universe cut him a break? Can't it cut any of us a break?_ Nevertheless, Raven set about dealing with the hand that had been dealt, repairing Beast Boy's lung and replenishing his blood. She felt her strength begin to fade just in time for the Medic to blink out of existence, to her considerable annoyance.

"They don't last forever." Control Freak offered by way of explanation. "And using an ability like that really eats into their lifespan."

"Good to know." Robin remarked dryly.

"Oh crap, I shouldn't have told you about that." Control Freak muttered.

"Ughhh…" Beast Boy moaned, his eyelids fluttering open.

"He's conscious!" Raven called out.

"What happened?" Beast Boy asked groggily, hie head swimming.

"You nearly got yourself killed by some Hot Topic lookin' piece of crap is what happened." Cyborg answered bluntly.

"Oh," Beast Boy sighed, his memories returning quickly. "Right." _What the hell is wrong with you? Look how exhausted Raven is from keeping your dumb ass alive._

"Hey, uh… guys?" Control Freak mumbled awkwardly. "This whole thing kind of freaked me out so, uh, could you just kinda, y'know, arrest me?"

"Wait, you _want_ us to arrest you?" Beast Boy asked incredulously.

"Dude, you nearly died!" Control Freak exclaimed. "That was seriously messed up!" _Great, now even Control Freak is taking pity on you._

"Why do _you_ care what happens to me?" Beat Boy demanded.

"Hey man, I do robberies and consequence-free mayhem!" Control Freak replied, somewhat indignantly in Beast Boy's opinion. "I don't _kill_ people!"

"Discussions of Control Freak's relative morality can wait," Robin said firmly, cuffing the obese villain. "Right now we need to get him into custody and start on the paperwork. And after that," He shot Beast Boy a Look. "We need to talk." _Welp, you're boned._


	2. Chapter 2

"Care to explain what happened out there?" Robin asked, his tone stern. _Oh, ain't no way he's letting you stay on the team after this._

"I screwed up and took a hit," Beast Boy replied grouchily. "Explanation over." _You can't tell them the truth! They'll stick you in a mental hospital!_

"You screwed up?" Cyborg scoffed. "Fighting the god-damned hunter from Bloodborne? I've seen you play that game, B; you know the Saw Cleaver's attack patterns inside and out." _Translation; you've wasted way too much of your life playing videogames for your excuse to check out._

"What, so now I'm not allowed to make mistakes?" Beast Boy demanded. "I can't fuck up once, one _single time_ , without everybody jumping up my ass?" _Yeah, fuck these guys!_

"That's not what we meant and you know it!" Robin shouted.

"No, you're right!" Beast boy snarled. "Next time I should just dress up like a villain and beat up the whole team!" _Yeah, hit'em where it hurts!_ "Or maybe I could quit the team over a stupid argument, right Cyborg?" _Keep going, don't let up!_ "Reconnecting with family members that just happen to be dangerous psychopaths worked out great for Star!" He glared at Raven. ( **no** ) _Yes!_ "Or maybe I should just jump-start the apocalypse!" At that, he saw Raven flich slightly. _Wow. You're a dick._

"We were only concerned for your wellbeing, friend Beast Boy." Starfire said in a small voice.

"I…" Beast Boy sighed. "I know, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said all that stuff about you guys." _Well duh! Asshole._ "I've just been in kind of a rotten mood lately."

"I get it," Cyborg shrugged. "We all have bad days sometimes." _You more than others._ "So how about you fill us in on what's eating you?"

"I dunno dude," Beast Boy muttered. "I just kinda feel like I can't do anything right." _Because you can't! Just today you slept in, wrecked your toothbrush, nearly died fighting Control Freak, and were a dick to your friends!_

"Well, we all feel like that sometimes," Robin said, his tone solemn and his face telling Beast Boy that he wasn't especially comfortable with the subject matter. "Just remember; it's all in your head." _Heh._

With that, his friends left the infirmary. Except for Raven. "Beast Boy, we need to talk." _Panic!_

"Sure thing Rae," Beast Boy replied, forcing himself to sound relaxed. "We ended our conversation early this morning anyway." _Yeah, play it cool man, don't let her know what's going on! Hell, YOU don't know what's going on!_

"And we can pick up where we left off later." Raven said plainly. "Right now there's something more important I need to talk to you about." _Does she know?_

"Oh?" Beast Boy cocked an eyebrow. "And what might that be?" _Oh god, the eyebrow. So lame._

"When we were fighting Control Freak, I felt a disturbance in your aura." Raven explained. _She knows! This is bad!_

"Well, I _did_ get opened up with a giant saw." Beast Boy chuckled. _Play it off, make a joke about it! Don't let her know the truth!_

"I felt it before you were hit." Raven replied bluntly. _Fuck! Lie to her, now!_ ( **no** ) __ _Do it!_

"A giant saw coming at you can be kind of scary." Beast Boy shrugged. _Kind of a weak lie, dude. Still, it's built around how pathetic you are, so at least it's got that._

"It wasn't fear." Raven said matter-of-factly. "I felt confusion, frustration, a lot of unhappiness, and even some acceptance, but no fear, so sense of self-preservation at all" She took Beast Boy's hand and looked him in the eye. "Beast Boy, did you _want_ to get hit?" _She knows everything!_ ( **good** ) _Deny everything, throw her off the trail, do something!_

"Are you nuts?" Beast Boy scoffed, snatching his hand away. "Why the hell would I _want_ to take a hit like that?" _That's it right, deny everything._

"I was just making sure you were okay." Raven said in an unusually conciliatory tone.

"And you decided to do that by calling me crazy?" Beast Boy retorted angrily. "Real nice."

"I wasn't calling you crazy." Raven replied calmly. "Or at least, that wasn't my intention."

"Whatever." Beast Boy muttered sullenly. "Can we please just change the subject?"

"Fine," Raven sighed. "I believe we were discussing which character you liked better?" _Wow, she didn't put up much of a fight, huh? I mean, she thinks you might be going crazy and she just drops it?_

"Well, I like Croweley, but I think I prefer Aziraphale." Beast Boy answered. "He doesn't really know what he's doing, but he still manages to help people. That feels… right." _You only like him better because you never know what you're doing. The difference is, you're not much help._

"I can see that," Raven replied. "And I certainly like Aziraphale as a character. But it's how hard Crowley has to work that appeals to me."

"How hard he works?" Beast Boy asked, genuinely perplexed.

"He's a demon." Raven elaborated. "It's not completely black and white, but the fact is that doing good isn't easy for him." She seemed contemplative. "He had to go against his nature to do the right thing, and that feels… special to me."

"He reminds you that where you come from isn't where you'll end up." There was a moment of silence, during which Beast Boy wondered where he'd got that from, before he began to suspect that it might have been his own.

"...Well put." Raven said simply.

"It happens every now and then." Beast Boy shrugged.

"You saying something insightful?"

"Yep." Beast Boy chuckled. "Occasionally."

"You'd tell me if something was wrong, wouldn't you?" Raven asked, her tone unusually earnest.

"Nothing's wrong," Beast Boy insisted. "Except for the injury, of course."

"Are you sure?" Raven asked, looking him dead in the eye again.

"Relax," Beast Boy said, darting around the promise. "I feel better already." It was only a moment later, after Raven had left the room, that he realised that he really did.

Cyborg was pleased to see his best friend in higher spirits; the Grass Stain had a way of being unhappy that worried him enormously, and that was _without_ getting carved up. "Hey, B!" He exclaimed cheerfully. "You up for a couple rounds?"

"What's the game?" Beat Boy asked, throwing himself onto the couch.

"Oh, you know what the game is." Cyborg replied, grinning hugely.

" **MORTAL KOMBAT!"** They shouted as one.

"My boy Sub-Zero is taking you _down_!" Cyborg boasted.

"No way dude," Beast Boy scoffed. "You know how this goes. Everybody have fun tonight!"

" **Everybody Shang Tsung tonight!"** __It wasn't just Beast Boy and Cyborg who sang the green shapeshifter's parody of _Wing Chun Tonight_ , it was everyone in the tower: Starfire belting it out full force, Robin chuckling and rolling his eyes, even Raven joining in, muttering it from behind her book.

"Man, you sure do love you some Shang Tsung." Cyborg smirked.

"Gee, I wonder why." Beast Boy deadpanned, expertly handling the shape-shifting sorcerer.

"Don't you get enough shape-shiftin' already?" Cyborg asked.

"It's not the same," Beast Boy shrugged. "I can't do people." _You can imitate any animal except a human being._

"Whatever man," Cyborg shrugged. "You only take him to be a troll anyway." _Yeah, he's kind of right._

"A troll who just won the first round!" Beast Boy crowed.

"You got lucky!" Cyborg scoffed.

"Oh yeah?" Beast Boy demanded. "And what about this?" He executed a flawless combo.

"Okay, that was pretty good." Cyborg conceded. "But this is better!" With that, he launched a combo of his own.

Cyborg ended up winning the second round, so the game carried into the third and final, which Beast Boy one by a magic pixel.

"Hey Cy, you know what happens now, right?" Beast Boy grinned.

"Aw, no man! Don't do it!"

"I'mma do it!"

"Don't you do me like this B!"

Beast Boy hit a few buttons, and Shang Tsun possessed Sub-Zero, forcing him to rip his own head off. "I did it."

"Best two out of three?" Cyborg suggested meekly.

"No can do," Beast Boy replied, his eyes fixed on the clock. "I've got a date, and I should really be getting ready."

"Oh, so you had time to get a lucky win, but not defend the title?" Cyborg muttered. "I see how it is…" He chuckled. "Seriously though, have fun."

"That's the plan!" Beast Boy laughed, running for the bathroom.

 _Well, I think I speak for everybody when I say we all saw coming._ "You're dumping me?" Beast Boy whimpered. "But why?"

"I'm not _dumping_ you." Janet insisted. "It's not your fault." _It's your fault; she's the brilliant, adventurous blonde beauty, and you're the you._ "It's me; I just can't do this anymore."

"Can't keep doing what?" Beast Boy asked, confusion warring with misery. _Can't keep pretending that your ugly face doesn't make her want to puke._

"This, all of this!" There was a slight edge to Janet's voice. "You're part of this whole world that I can't be a part of. Sometimes I won't hear from you for days, weeks even! And then when you come back there's always some new scar you don't want to talk about, or you flinch when I say a certain word, or duck when a car backfires." Beast Boy realised with a shock that there were tears in her eyes. "And then there's this latest thing. You nearly died." _Fighting Control Freak no less._ "I'm sorry, but it's just too much; these last three months have been great, but I can't be a soldier's wife."

"If that's really how you feel, then I guess this is goodbye." Beast Boy sighed. _It was always going to end like this and you know it. Just be grateful she's getting out alive; getting close to you isn't exactly healthy._ ( **no** ) _What's the score at now? Both parents and a girlfriend, right? With countless near misses for your closest_ ( **no** ) _friends and your adopted family, of course. Not to mention civilians, no telling how many of them have gotten hurt because of you, and hell, even a few villains have come close; Adonis might be a piece of shit, but it's still pretty fucked up that you nearly killed him just because you can't_ ( **no** ) _control yourself. What was it you said again? "I'm not a man, I'm an animal!" Well, when a wild animal is allowed near people, those people get hurt. You know that, but you can't help it, can you? You still want her to stay around. Selfish_ ( **no** ) _prick._

Beast Boy didn't talk to anybody when he got home; he just went up to his room in silence, turned on his stereo and played music loud enough that he couldn't hear himself cry.

" _It's not enough that I love you, there's all these things I have to prove to you…"_


	3. Chapter 3

_So then, just going to lie in bed all day, huh? Makes sense, I guess. You always were a coward, after all. Go ahead man; wallow in your own self-pity, god knows everyone else pities you._ It had been 36 hours since Beast Boy got dumped. Since then, he'd only left his room to use the bathroom. The only reason he'd eaten anything was because the other Titans left food outside his door, which he picked at, more out of a sense of obligation than anything else. _Keep it up; eventually they'll give up on you and just let you starve._ ( **no** ) _Bound to happen sooner or later._ _They'll probably tell themselves they're just trying to coax you out so they can talk to you, but they'll know what they're doing._

"Hey Grass Stain!" Cyborg bellowed from outside the door. "You up for a game?"

"No thanks!" Beast Boy shouted back.

"How 'bout a movie? Or, like, anything?"

"I think I'll pass!" Beast Boy answered.

"You know we're here for you, right B?" _Bullshit! They don't care how you really feel, they just want you to go back to pretending that you're okay. After all, what's the point of keeping a clown around if he's not even good for a laugh?_

"You wanna talk about it?" Cyborg asked.

"Not really, no!"

"You sure?"

"...Not really, no!" _Seriously? You're too much of a coward to even stand by your cowardice?_

"Okay well, if you change your mind, let us know. I'm worried about you, B." _He's lying! They only pretend to care about you! You're not loved, you're tolerated._

"...Thanks." Beast Boy said in a small voice. "I will." _Seriously? You're going to make yourself their problem even more than usual? Pathetic._ Suddenly, noise filled the corridor and lights flashed red. _Oh, would you look at that? Crime! So, will you be useless in here or out there? Either way it's your fault_ ( **no** ) _if somebody gets hurt._ After a moment, Beast Boy grit his teeth and leapt to his feet. _Good choice; maybe this time you'll get yourself killed and they won't have to deal with you any more._

Adonis. Control Freak had been bad. _Because he somehow managed to kick your ass, or because he reminds you of your own pathetic loserdom?_ Mad Mod would have been a pain. _Because every time you fight him you get hypnotised, making you marginally less useful than usual._ Slade would have been a nightmare. _Mister brainwash-yo-girl. Great way to remember what a failure you are._ But somehow, Adonis managed to muscle his way right up to the top of his list of things he didn't want to deal with. And for some reason, he was attacking a sandwich shop.

"Okay Adonis, I'll bite." Robin sighed. "Why are you attacking a sandwich shop?"

"Because it's no different than a brothel!" Adonis sneered. "It's a place where men pay a stranger to do the job their wives should!"

"Hey Beast Boy," Raven smirked. "What do you call a guy who makes 'get in the kitchen' jokes?"

"Single." Beast Boy quipped.

"What was that?!" Adonis roared, hurling a vending machine in Beast Boy's general direction.

"You heard me!" Beast Boy yelled as he ducked under the machine. _Yeah, fuck this guy!_ "How about you take your frail little ego out of your ears and listen for a change, you insecure dumbass?" _Don't let up, keep piling on the insults!_ And just like that, Adonis was in face.

"You're gonna wish you'd kept your mouth shut, you little bitch!" Adonis snarled, swinging wildly at Beast Boy. _Wait, did you seriously just shit-talk the guy who can bend you into a pretzel even before the upgrades that have apparently made him way faster? Nobody has ever deserved anything as much as you deserve this beatdown._

Beast Boy managed to dodge the first blow by turning into a beetle, but was left open to the follow-up which sent him flying into the nearest wall. _Oh wow, is he a little stronger than last time? , not so nice for you, I guess. Or maybe it is; after all, at least this way you_ ( **shut up** ) _have an excuse when you get beaten like a pro athlete's wife._

"Not so smart now, are you?" Adonis smirked.

"Smarter than you." Beast Boy shot back without thinking. _What the hell is wrong with you?!_ Adonis drew his fist back, ready to deliver the killing blow, and…

*WHAM!*

"You will step away from friend Beast Boy if you value the continued use of your extremities." Starfire warned, having side-swiped Adonis. _Oh look; she had to bail you out._

"I like a girl with spirit." Adonis leered, lunging at Starfire.

"And I like a villain who leaves himself open." Robin quipped, hurling a trio of explosive Birdarangs.

"You too?" Cyborg chuckled, barrelling into the armoured creep from the other side. "We got a lot in common, Rob!" _Hot damn! They're really killing it._ Beast Boy quickly transformed into a bull and charged, only for Adonis to grab him by the horns and hurl him at Raven. _Annnd there it goes. You ruined it. Shit, it's just a miracle you turned back before you hit Raven, otherwise you might have killed her. She wouldn't have been the first girl to die_ ( **stop** ) _because of you._

"And would you look at that?" Adonis crowed. "A two-for-one sale on Titans!"

"You will keep your hands off of my friends!" Starfire snarled, launching a flying kick… that Adonis caught in one hand.

"I wasn't talking about them." Adonis replied cooly, swinging Starfire into Cyborg with enough force to leave her unconscious and him… broken would probably be the best word. "Incidentally, remind me to thank Calculator for this program he whipped up. Worth every penny." Robin came in high, staff swinging, rage twisting his features, and lay into Adonis. "Seriously? The people with actual super-strength couldn't get through my armor, but you think you can because you've got a stick?" Adonis backhanded Robin into the counter, shattering the glass and knocking him into the various cheeses.

"Hey there Rae, you doin' alright?" Beast Boy asked softly. _Nope. She is very clearly unconscious, thanks to you. Hit her head on a table. Might even have a little brain damage, so thanks for that._ "Okay, guess I'm on my own." Beast Boy sighed.

"So, what's the plan, little man?" Adonis snickered, strolling forward. "You ain't getting any help in the next minute or two, and I think we both know you don't have what it takes to fight me on your own." ( **yes you do** ) _No you don't._ "So how about this? I let you take three of your friends home, and you leave me one of the girls to play with." For those who haven't guessed, that was unwise.

A few facts occurred to Beast Boy in quick succession. Fact: no matter how good your armor is, after getting nailed by a heavy hit from Starfire, tackled by Cyborg and hit with three explosive Birdarangs it's going to have some battle damage. Fact: an amoeba can be as small as 250 microns. Fact: armor doesn't do much against threats once they're inside it. Fact: wasp stings hurt like hell. _No. Not wasp._ Fire ants have an excruciatingly painful- _more_. The bullet ant's bite hurts as much as getting shot- _Remember what he just said. What he did. What he'll do._ The Irukandji. A species found only in the waters surrounding Australia, the Irukandji jellyfish is believed to have the most painful sting of any animal on Earth; a sting so agonising that those who fall victim to it will sometimes beg to be killed. _Yes. Do it._ ( **no** ) _Yes!_ ( **Irukandji kills** ) The sting of an Irukandji jellyfish causes fatal brain hemorrhages. _He deserves to die!_ ( **you deserve to kill?** ) Not the Irukandji.

There has always been, among those of a zoological bent, the temptation to exaggerate certain details. Is a bird's plumage really as beautiful as its discoverer claimed? A badger's temperament as bloody-minded? An insect's bite as painful? Not always. But a purple-backed starling's plumage is one of the prettiest sights in nature. Badgers, and indeed mustelids of all stripe are vicious bastards, mostly because they're too slow to ever run from a fight. And the bullet ant's bite really does hurt as much as a gunshot wound. Which is why Adonis, mere moments away from crushing Robin's head like an egg, began to scream.

 _There, doesn't that sound nice? Bite him again._ Adonis began to scream _louder_ , and after a few seconds of scratching sounds, Beast Boy could feel the open air, which could only mean that Adonis had started ripping his armor off. _One more, for luck?_ ( **stop** ) _Remember what he wanted to do to the girls?_ ( **...** ) _Yeah, thought so. Actually, you know what? Maybe you should just change back and start beating the shit out of him now that he's ditched the armor. Make sure everyone knows you beat him._

Slowly, Starfire opened her eyes, her head pounding like a Tamaranian hunting drum. Adonis would pay; for hurting her friends and for using her as a club. Such actions were not easily forgiven, even from a man screaming in pain, in a heap on the floor, with his armor strewn haphazardly about the room and Beast Boy beating him black and blue, as the human expression went. Wait, what?

"Not so tough now, are you?" Beast Boy snarled, kicking the fallen foe in in the stomach hard enough to make him dry-heave.

"Friend Beast Boy, I believe he has been subdued." Apparently she hadn't been clear enough, as Beast Boy wound up another kick that sent teeth sliding across the floor.

"This is what happens when you hurt my friends!" Beast Boy howled, slamming Adonis' face into the floor repeatedly. "This is what you get!"

"Friend Beast Boy, stop!" Starfire said, rather more insistently, as she staggered over to her friend. "You risk taking his life! Do you wish to be the killer?"

" _Yes!_ " Beast Boy snarled as he turned to face her, the look on his face enough to make Starfire back away. It occurred to her that, in his current state, she might not be able to talk him down, and that she wasn't certain she could bring herself to fight him if it came to that.

Beast Boy!" Robin's voice rang out as he dragged himself to his feet. "Stand down." Beast Boy froze for a moment, and it seemed to Starfire like he may have come to his senses, but after a moment he simply glared at Robin as he stepped on the fallen villain's wrist which, Starfire noticed, already appeared to be quite badly broken. "I said stand down!"

"And I didn't listen!" Beast Boy roared back. "You didn't hear him; you were unconscious in a tub of cheddar when he told me to leave him one of the girls to _play_ with!" Starfire felt a brief surge of nausea; it occurred to her that Adonis would fit in well with the Gordanians. "If you want me to stop, you'll have to make me!"

"Beast Boy." Raven's voice was weak, and a little unsteady. "Stop." Beast Boy seemed uncertain for a second. "Please." And just like that, all the tension seemed to evaporate.

"Okay." Beast Boy sighed, his shoulders slumping. "I'll stop."

"Broken nose." Robin scowled. "Fractured jaw; four teeth knocked out, six chipped." 

"I'm really sor-" Beast Boy began.

"Hairline fracture to the orbital socket." Robin went on, stonefaced. "Five cracked ribs, shattered wrist, three broken fingers."

"I know I was out of-"

"Hairline fracture to one vertebra. Concussion. Various contusions, abrasions and internal bleeding." He narrowed his eyes. "Currently unidentified toxin in his bloodstream. Two insect bites."

"I'm sorry." Beast Boy said, after waiting moment to be certain that Robin was done. "I was out of line." _Way out of line. If you're lucky he'll just kick you off the team._

"What were the bug bites?" Robin demanded.

"Bullet ant." Beast Boy muttered. "Hurts as much as a bullet." _Yeah, he's probably going to have you arrested._

"Enter the armour through a damaged area and bite or sting him as an insect." Robin said thoughtfully. "Not a bad idea." _But…_ "But your choice of bug was excessive. This is _Adonis_ we're talking about; a wasp would have been enough." _And that's without even mentioning the beating._ "And the beating you gave him was completely uncalled for. You could have killed him, what were you thinking?"

"I don't know." Beast Boy whimpered.

"Were you even thinking at all?"

"I don't know."

"Look," Robin sighed. "I understand that you were in a stressful situation. But you can't just lay into someone like that when they can't fight back. You're suspended from active duty until further notice."

"Understood." Beast Boy sighed. _Seriously? That's all?_

"I won't be pursuing any harsher disciplinary actions as long as you behave yourself; it was a difficult situation." _Ah. He's going easy on you because he never expected anything better in the first place._ "Dismissed."

It had been two weeks since Beast Boy was suspended from active duty. _Two weeks since you nearly beat a man to death, and loved_ ( **no** ) _it._ An extremely busy two weeks for the others; it was like there was something in the water riling the crooks up, and they'd been out everyday to deal with something. _And apparently, they haven't had any issues without you._ He hadn't been able to help them much at all; he couldn't do forensics because he was _too damn stupid_. Couldn't canvas witnesses _because you're too ugly; either you make people uncomfortable or they_ ( **stop** ) _don't take you seriously._ Just about all he could do to help was search up the occasional file or map _and you can barely even do that right, you worthless little turd._

He'd basically isolated himself from the others. Two weeks alone. _But isn't that how it alway is? You always end up alone, sooner or later. And it's nobody's fault but_ ( **shut up** ) _yours. Your parents_ ( **no** ) _died because you were too weak and cowardly to save them. The Doom Patrol kicked you out_ ( **they didn't** ) _because you were a liability. Terra_ ( **stop** ) _died because you let her down. You're alone because it's what you deserve. Before too long, the Titans are going to join the list_ ( **never** ) _, so you might as well get ready for that. Either they'll kick you out or they'll die because of your fuck-ups, so really it's just a matter of where you put your money before betting closes._

Hazily, Beast Boy realised that he'd made his way to the roof. _Jump. Just fucking do it._ He took ( **no** ) a step forward. _Nobody will ever miss you._ And ( **stop** ) another. _Every second you're alive puts everyone you care about in danger._ A third step put him ( **don't do this** ) right at the edge. _Come on, do it! End the pain, end the loneliness! It's almost over, all you need to do is take one little step, so DO IT!_ He extended his leg, and… **CEASE THIS FUCKERY!** For a moment, his thoughts seemed clearer, and he leapt back, shocked by how close he'd been, terrified to contemplate what would have happened without the intervention of this new and unfamiliar voice is his head.

 **New? Unfamiliar? Have you no gratitude, boy? I am far from new. You've known me for years. When you were bitten, infected with Sakutia, who was it that gave you the strength to endure the pain of that experimental treatment you parents concocted? When they died, who cut through the sorrow and pushed you to survive? Who held your mind together through the thieves, through Galtry and Doctor Register? Who helped you keep pace with the Doom Patrol? And when Raven was attacked by that loathsome creature, who gave you the strength to save her?**

The Beast. **If referring to me as such simplifies matters then feel free. But do you know what I am? Really?** The question seemed bizarre; it was the Beast, what else was there to know? _Exactly! Just a big dumb animal! Ignore it!_ **Be silent, intruder! I am your instincts, boy! I am the part of you that keeps every other part of you alive!** Impossible, the Beast was an accident, a chemical spill. **I existed long before I was the Beast, boy! I was within you from the very beginning. When you became what you are I grew stronger, bolstered by the voices of the animal kingdom. Those chemicals merely gave me more options, a physical form and a degree of sophistication.** This was too much to take in all at once; the Beast wasn't just the Beast? Why was it speaking to him? How? What did it want? **To protect you as I always have, and right now that means doing something about the intruder that has taken up residence in your mind!**

An intruder? What was the Beast talking about? _It's lying! Don't listen!_ **That! That's the intruder! That wretched little voice isn't meant to be here!** But it had always- **Not like this. You must excise this parasite immediately, before it does any more damage!** But how? Who could possibly help him with something like this?

Raven's head felt like it had been stuffed with lint, her eyelids may as well have been made of lead, and various parts of her body were threatening to give notice; the last two weeks had been rough. The simple fact of the matter was that they needed Beast Boy, but they couldn't put him back on active duty until he'd undergone a psychological evaluation. Which they didn't have time for because the criminals of Jump city had gotten so bold. Because they didn't have a full team to worry about. And besides how difficult things had been, there was the simple fact that she'd gone two weeks without any sort of meaningful interaction with a friend she was used to seeing every day. She hadn't realised how important Beast Boy's terrible jokes were until they stopped, and she wasn't entirely sure how to process it. 

"I can work it out in the morning." Raven muttered to herself. *THUNK THUNK THUNK* "Or not. This had better be good." She scowled as her door opened.

"Hey, uh Rae?" Beast Boy half-squeaked, his expression haggard. "I think I need your help."


	4. Chapter 4

Author's notes: Hey there, sorry for the delay with this chapter. I had some trouble getting motivated to actually finish it. Odds are there's only going to be one or two more chapters after this. Bonus points to anyone who can guess who Robin's going to call in to help, and even more points for anyone who can guess who's responsible for this whole mess.

Raven couldn't really believe it; Beast Boy had shut himself away from them, refusing to even really speak to her for two weeks, and now he expected her to stay up god knows how long to help him? There was only one thing she could say to that.

"Okay Beast Boy, you'd better come in." He did, looking almost pathetically grateful. "So, what's the problem?"

He looked nervous. "Well, I think there's a voice in my head that doesn't belong there, but only because the voice that _does_ belong there told me."

"... Care to elaborate?"

Beast Boy winced. "Okay, so for… for a while, I've had this voice in my head." The look on his face told Raven he knew _exactly_ how bad this sounded. "And it's been… pretty bad."

She had to ask, otherwise she wouldn't have been much of a friend. "How bad?"

"I nearly jumped off the roof." The words had weight. They had a _lot_ of weight, and they traveled at the speed of sound; two facts which, combined, equated to a considerable amount of force. They made her pulse spike, her stomach clench and her head spin; getting backhanded by Cinderblock would have been preferable.

"...Oh." Raven felt like she should say more, but the right words just didn't seem to exist.

"Yeah;" Beast Boy grinned like a corpse. "Oh."

"How?" Raven managed after a moment's thought. "How could anyone push you that far?"

"Is it really that surprising?"

"Of course it is! You're one of the strongest people I know!" The look of surprise on his face gave her pause, but this was no time to hesitate. "I've seen you fight through everything the world could throw at you, and you've never let any of it beat you down." She lowered her eyes. "I really admire that about you."

"Wow." Beast Boy muttered, his voice hoarse.

"How did it get you that far?"

"It just… it didn't stop." He whimpered.

Raven lay a hand on his shoulder. "Tell me." So he did, outlining months of abuse coming from inside his head, and the intervention of the Beast. "Wait a minute;" Raven interjected. "The _Beast_ is helping you?"

"It was a surprise to me too."

"Are you sure you can trust it?"

He shrugged. "Not really, but I'm not trusting it. I'm trusting you."

"...Fair enough." She conceded. "And you went to me for help because you thought my powers could find evidence of outside interference."

"And because you're the smartest person I know." Amazing how eight little words (nine depending on your opinion of contractions) could have such an effect, to the point where Raven felt the weight of his faith in her as though it were a real, physical object, threatening to crush her.

She sighed. "I can't make any promises, but I'll do everything I can to help you."

"I know you will." Beast Boy replied simply. "You always do."

"Don't get sappy on me." She warned him jokingly. "Okay, sit down and close your eyes; it's time to get started."

"Great!" Beast Boy exclaimed, folding his legs underneath him. "So, uh… is there anything I need to know beforehand?"

For a moment, Raven hesitated, afraid to open up, but knowing that she needed to warn him in advance. "There's a box in the bottom drawer of my dresser. If I try to retrieve it, I want you to knock me out."

"Why?"

"Because if you don't, I'll try to kill myself." The deafening silence that followed politely informed Raven that she may have been a tad indelicate in communicating that detail.

"What." On the bright side, Beast Boy was no longer worried about the voice in his head. Because the fact that Raven apparently had some sort of suicide aid in her room worried him a great deal more, and there's only so much worrying a man can do at any given time. "Tell me. Everything." He saw the uncertainty on her face: here, a furrowed brow, there, a vaguely helpless frown. "Please."

Raven sighed. "Okay, but I'm telling you this in confidence."

"I won't tell anyone else if you don't want me to."

After a moment, Raven began to speak. "About a month before my sixteenth birthday, I started to consider… unconventional solutions."

"Please tell me this isn't going where I think it's going.." _Wait for it…_

"I decided that if it was me or the world, I'd rather die." _Ahahahahahaha! You idiot! You're trying to get help from her?! She's an even bigger mess than you are!_ **Shut up. Now. Or else I will become aggressive.** "So I got my hands on a dagger that, if used, would destroy my soul. No reincarnation, no interference by Trigon, he'd have to start from scratch."

"Wait a minute, you were ready to destroy your _soul_?" Beast Boy demanded.

"I was in a really dark place, ok?" 

Beast Boy sighed. "Ok. Don't let you get the box, got it."

"Then let's get started. First of all, try your best to clear your mind." _Won't be hard; it's basically a blank slate already._ "Okay, I've got a lock on it." _Wait, what?_

"How?"

Raven smirked. "Based on your description, I figured it wouldn't be able to resist a setup that easy. I wouldn't have." _Oh, that sneaky little-_ **Don't finish that thought.**

"So, what now?" Beast Boy took care not to get his hopes up; the last thing he needed now was to be disappointed.

"Well, it's definitely some sort of outside influence, but that's about all I can determine."

"Right," Beast Boy sighed. "You're an empath, not a psychic."

Raven nodded sadly. "Exactly. You'd need a psychic to trace it."

"Well okay then. I'd hoped I wouldn't have to resort to this, but I'm out of options." He pulled out his communicator. "Hey, Robin? Remember that time you accused me of attacking Raven when I'd actually saved her from Adonis? That time you locked me up like an animal?" _You ARE an animal._ "Well, I'm calling it in. I need a psychic I can trust, and I need them here tonight."


	5. Chapter 5

After a few minutes, something occurred to Raven. "Why didn't you just call Mento?"

"I need a psychic I can trust."

"You don't trust him? I thought he was a father figure or something."

Beast Boy raised an eyebrow. "And? Daddy issues are standard issue in our line of work. Besides," he murmured, "he probably gave this bastard more to work with than anyone else."

Raven couldn't resist; it was rare for Beast Boy to talk so openly about his life before joining the Titans, and even rarer for him to talk about Mento. "Was he really that bad?"

"Worse," Beast Boy replied, "trust me. He pretty much never talked to me except to make me feel like shit. Every day, he'd find some knew way that I'd disappointed him, some new reason why I wasn't good enough, some new lecture about how the whole team was going to die because I wasn't strong enough…" Raven could tell that this conversation was taking Beat Boy somewhere he probably shouldn't be in his current state, and resolved to change the subject.

"You know, you actually remind me of Aziraphale a little."

"Excuse me?"

"Aziraphale," Raven replied simply, "from Good Omens. You remind me of him."

"I remind you of him? Really?"

"You're smarter than people give you credit for, and you're good at being good."

Beast Boy snorted. "What the hell does that even mean?"

"It means you help people. You don't have to think about it, you just help them." Raven felt herself blushing slightly, but pressed on anyway. "You said the Beast is basically just your instincts, right?"

"That's what it told me."

"And everytime it's come out, it's tried to protect me," Raven said with a faint grin, "your deepest instincts are to protect others. Face it Beast Boy; you're a good person."

 _No you're not; you're just a dog that got a few tricks whipped into it._ **Raven thinks that you're a good person. She's smarter than you. Ergo, she's right, you're a good person.** "Thanks Raven, that means a lot to me."

"Any time, Beast Boy."

"I can confirm that you are indeed a good person." An unfamiliar voice sounded from the corner of the room.

"I was wondering when you'd speak up," Beast Boy replied calmly, "I'm guessing you're the psychic that Robin called?"

A figure stepped forward; she had red hair and green skin, darker than Beast Boy's. "How did you know?"

"What, like you made it hard?" Beast Boy scoffed. "I could smell you the instant you came in, through the wall I might add. Combined with your green skin and the fact that you smell like Martian Manhunter, I'm guessing you're Miss Martian."

"And he thinks he's dumb." Raven quipped, rolling her eyes. _Because you are; having a good nose doesn't make you smart._

"My name is M'gann M'orzz, but you can just call me Meghan. Now," Meghan's tone shifted from friendly and open to all business, "I'm told that you've got an uninvited guest in your head."

After a quick explanation and a warning about the Beast, Meghan began her work. "I feel I should warn you, this may take a while; pinpointing the exact telepathic signature of the attack could takes hours, even days… No wait, I found it." Her eyes narrowed. "Of course it's him…"

Psimon's plan was progressing nicely; Beast Boy hadn't been seen in two weeks, the other titans were run ragged operating with an incomplete team, and best of all, they had no way to trace it back to him! All in all, he was starting to feel unstoppable. And that's when his wall exploded.

A voice rang out from the smoke. "Hello Psimon." Robin stepped forward.

"Heard you been messing with my little buddy's head." Cyborg growled, emerging from the smoke.

"That was an unwise choice of actions." Starfire opined, the glow of her eyes contrasting with her calm tone.

" _Very_ unwise." Raven's voice emerged from behind him.

"You think you've won?" Psimon sneered.

"Pretty much." Best Boy stepped forward, looking unbearably smug.

"This isn't a victory, this is just the start of negotiations."

Beast Boy looked confused. "Negotiations?"

Psimon smirked. "You need me to get rid of the program I left in your grey matter, so you'll have to give me what I want." He'd hoped he wouldn't need this contingency plan, but he'd settle for it anyway; extort his way to freedom, set the program to its dormant state for a few weeks, go into hiding and reactivate it. His plans would be delayed, but ultimately unchanged.

"No I don't," Beast Boy replied, "she already took care of it."

"Who did?" Psimon demanded, taken aback.

"I did." Miss Martian floated down through the ceiling.

"I surrender." Psimon whimpered.

"I thought so." Miss Martian smirked.

"So," Beast Boy began growled as soon as Psimon had been restrained, "why did you do it?"

"To destroy the Titans, of course."

"And you went after me?" Beast Boy shook his head. "Kind of a weird choice of target." **Don't sell yourself short, boy.**

"I didn't go after _anyone_ in particular," Psimon responded airily. "The program simply attached itself to the most receptive mind." He leered. "Doing the sad clown bit, are we? A little cliched."

Robin narrowed his eyes. "Explain."

"No," Beast Boy sighed "I should explain, not him." Everyone turned to face him. **It's time, boy. They need to know.** "He didn't put a voice in my head; he just took one that was already there and made it worse." After a moment of hesitation, he continued. "It's called intrusive thoughts. They're a common symptom of depression and PTSD… both of which I have."

"The program was meant to drive you to suicide!" Psimon hissed. "You would have died, and the program would jump ship onto whoever was most affected by your death. The Titans would have fallen like a line of dominoes!"

"Well, I guess I had a little more help than you expected." **You can say that again.**

"What are you?" Psimon demanded. " _What the hell are you?!_ "

Beast Boy leaned in close, so that only Psimon could hear him, and lowered his defences just enough to let his mind be read. "I'm a boy." **And a beast. "And stronger than you."**

Psimon was restrained and taken away by the police before long, and Miss Martian left shortly afterwards, pausing only to give everyone a quick psychic scan to make sure Psimon hadn't messed with their heads. Before they could head home, Robin still had one very important job to handle. "Beast Boy, are… are you okay?"

For a second, it looked like Beast Boy was thinking of lying to him, but after a moment his shoulders sagged. "No. I'm not."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Another moment of silence. "Yes."

Robin remembered his training for situations like this. "Would you rather wait until we get home first?" First rule of talking about trauma; make a safe space available. Somewhere private, comfortable and judgement-free.

Beast Boy looked grateful. "Yes."

The atmosphere in the common room was tense; nobody felt comfortable saying anything, so they were all just waiting for Beast Boy to talk. "Okay, I guess I should start at the start; how much do you guys know about my life before the Titans?"

"Not much grass stain," Cyborg replied. "You don't talk about it much."

"Okay," Beast Boy sighed, "let's take it from the top. My parents were biologists; Mark and Mary Logan. We were in Africa when I got my powers; the Upper Labumba region. They were researching a disease called sakutia."

"The virus that turns animals green?" Cyborg asked.

"Yeah," Beast Boy grinned ruefully, "and then I went and got bitten by a green monkey."

"How's that work?" Cyborg asked, severely confused. "Sakutia's fatal in humans. One of the few diseases to have a 100% fatality rate. So how come you ain't dead?"

"My parents were working on a cure, and when I got bit, they decided to test it out on me." He chuckled sadly. "It's not like it could have made things any worse. The cure was based on introducing animal DNA, since Sakutia only kills humans. It worked, but…" He gestured to his face. "There were some side effects."

"So your parents saved your life _and_ gave you your powers," Robin muttered. "I always wondered."

Beast Boy sighed. "And then they died. Went off a waterfall in their raft." His eyes began to glisten with tears. "My mother saved my life that day, too. She told me to turn into a bird. If she hadn't, I would have gone over with them."

Cyborg couldn't believe what he was hearing; had his little buddy really been keeping so much pain inside? "And that's when you ended up with the Doom Patrol?"

"No," Beast Boy replied, his expression taking on a haunted cast. "That's when I ended up with Galtry." And so he went on, outlining the abuse he suffered at the hands of Nicholas Galtry, his subsequent sale to Doctor Register, (he refused to say what happened in Register's custody, except that it was 'real bad'), his subsequent escape and homeless stint, followed by his capture by thieves who forced him to use his powers to help them rob houses, and finally, the Doom Patrol. "I basically just broke into their headquarters and refused to leave; after chasing me for six hours they gave up and let me stay."

"Now tell them the rest." Said Raven, her tone firm but not unkind.

Beast Boy looked at her for a moment and continued. "Things weren't great with the Patrol either. Rita was great; she's basically my mom now. Cliff and Larry seemed to like me too, but Mento…" Codename only for Mento; Cyborg could guess what that meant. "I don't think that man ever praised me for anything. No matter what I did, it was never enough for him, and after a while, I just couldn't take it anymore. I snuck out in the middle of the night, made my way to Jump City, met you guys and never looked back."

It took Cyborg a moment to process everything he'd heard; all that misery in one little life. But once it had fully sunk in, he knew exactly what to do. "That's it, I'm calling a group hug. Everybody bring it in, Beast Boy needs it."

"Hey, come on Cy!" Beast Boy mumbled, blushing faintly. "You know Raven doesn't do-" He was cut off when Raven wrapped her arms around him.

"I'll make an exception this time."

Robin stepped forward. "Me too," he said, draping his arms over Beast Boy and Raven's shoulders. "It's an emergency."

"Indeed," Starfire agreed, flying in and hugging the cluster of titans. "You are in need of the group hug, friend Beast Boy."

Cyborg chuckled as he encircled the other titans in a bear hug. "Sorry grass stain; you ain't gettin' out of this one."

"Yeah," Beast boy whispered, his voice hoarse. "Okay."

"You're keeping something from us." The others had gone back to bed, albeit reluctantly, on the grounds that their being sleep deprived wouldn't help anyone. The only ones still awake were Raven and Beast Boy.

"I am." Beast Boy confirmed. "There's a lot in my past, and I'm not ready to tell you everything."

"Is it bad?" Raven demanded. "The thing you're not telling us?"

"Real bad." Beast Boy replied simply. "Maybe even the worst part."

"And the intrusive thoughts?"

He shrugged. "They come and go." Raven felt a flash of sadness in from Beast Boy, tinted with resignation.

"You'd better get some sleep," Raven replied, her mind made up. "Because in the morning, I'm teaching you how to meditate."

"Seriously? You'd do that for me?" This time she felt a burst of gratitude.

"Of course I would," said Raven. "You're my friend and I want to make sure you're okay. Besides;" She smirked. "If I teach you how to meditate, I might even get some peace and quiet every now and then."

 _You're green._ Beast Boy opened his eyes; he hadn't slept that well in weeks. _Your ears are weird._ It really was refreshing to only have to worry about his usual intrusive thoughts, which were a lot less frequent. **And a lot more** **fucking lame.** Apparently the Beast felt like being a little more vocal now, but that was fine. The Beast didn't try to make him kill himself, the Beast was cool. **Very cool.** The important thing was that his mind was his own, he was back on active duty, and he had friends who cared about him. _Your fangs scare people._ **Is that really the best you can do, little voice? Pathetic.** And an incoming call from Jump City medium security prison, apparently.

"This better not be a dick pic." Beast Boy muttered, accepting the call.

As it turned out, it was Control Freak. "Hey, uh… this is gonna sound weird but… are you okay man?"

"What the hell's going on?" Beast Boy demanded.

"I just wanted to check up on you," replied Control Freak. "Word is Psimon was pulling some weird stunt, trying to make you kill yourself." He shrugged. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

Beast Boy sighed. "Control Freak, you're a villain, in case you forgot. So _why_ are you checking up on me?"

"Because," Said control Freak after a moment. "The Titans wouldn't be much fun without you." He looked away for a second. "And you guys are kind of all I have."

Beast Boy felt a strange sort of dread; the feeling that things were about to get really awkward, and there was nothing he could do about it. Any other day he would have considered ending the call, but he was in a 'pay it forward' kind of mood. "Okay, I'll bite. Why do you feel like we're all you've got?"

"Well, I was never really any good at making friends, and as for my father…" **Well, isn't that familiar?**

"Dude, say no more," said Beast Boy. "I know _all_ about bad father figures."

"You guys are kinda sorta... the only people I really interact with much."

"Are telling me that all this time, you've been robbing people, wasting incredible technology, and, most recently, nearly _killing_ me… because you were bored and lonely?!"

"I guess it _does_ sound pretty stupid when you say it out loud."

"You know what? I'm not even going to lay into you for that." Beast Boy sighed. "Everyone makes mistakes. My big question is why it never occured to you to be a hero."

"What, like you guys?" Control Freak looked confused. "No way in hell that'd ever work!"

"Why not?" Beast Boy asked. "You've definitely got the tech for it."

"I don't really have what you'd call the superhero body." Control Freak gestured to his considerable paunch.

"That's what training's for."

"I'm a villain!"

"So was Ravager before she joined up with us. And let's be real," Beast Boy smirked. "She was a _lot_ scarier than you."

'What if I'm not good enough?" **Well, this is certainly familiar.**

"Just try your best," said Beast Boy. "If it's not enough, at least you tried, and you can try again." He grinned. "It's not like you'd be getting your start against Slade!"

Control Freak looked pensive. "I guess it's worth thinking about."

"Look, if you'd like I could have a talk with Robin about it, maybe get things set up for when you get out." He grinned, he hoped reassuringly. "In the meantime, start hitting the exercise yard, and be on your best behaviour. I'll see what I can do for you on my end."

Control Freak sagged with relief. "Thanks man; I owe you one." _Robin's gonna flip his shit._

"So let me get this straight," Robin began. "Control Freak's decided to reform? And he wants to be a hero? _And you believe him?!_ " _Told you._

"Look dude, he opened up to me." Beast Boy was trying his best to keep a level head, but he _really_ didn't need this. "We're the closest thing he has to friends. _Us_. The guys who beat him up and hand him over to the police, and we're all he's got. I can't turn my back on that."

Robin sighed. "And if he's lying?"

"THen he's still Control Freak," said Beast Boy. "We can handle him, no problem."

"I'm with Beast Boy." Everyone in the room turned to look at Raven. "If he really wants to redeem himself, I say we give him a chance."

"Are you serious?" Robin demanded. "Am I the only one who remembers that Control Freak nearly _killed_ Beast Boy?"

"And then he had a panic attack and made a medic." Cyborg noted. "Right before he surrendered."

"That's three in favour." Raven muttered.

Robin's shoulders sagged. "Fine, I'll see what I can do about getting him released into our custody. Maybe I can use Taskforce X to make a case. But if we're doing this, we're doing it right. Cyborg, get to work on an emergency shutoff for his remote. And Beast Boy, get to work on a training schedule for him." Robin winced. "Getting him into shape won't be easy."

"I'm afraid Beast Boy won't be able to get started on that jut yet," Raven interjected. "I need to teach him how to meditate." She grinned very slightly. **I like her. She would make a fine mate.** With a sinking feeling and a faint blush, Beast Boy began to suspect that he might have just traded one dangerous voice in his head for another.

Author's notes: Well, that's it for this one! I've had fun writing it, tell me if you saw Psimon coming, and please, give me feedback! This is the first of a planned series, with the next part concerning Raven getting a boyfriend… who isn't Beast Boy! Shock horror! That said, I'm not getting to work on that one until I get at least one review.


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